What It Means to Be a “Grownup”—A Series
Becoming an “adult” happens in moments through life.
On the day of my 18th birthday, I was despondent.
I was 18 in a European country. A legal adult. I could finally drink — wait, that was 16, and I’d already been hanging out in bars and having the occasional drink with friends earlier than that. I could finally have sex legally—wait, that’s 16, too. Somehow, though, at 18, I was finally “grownup.”
But none of that really mattered to me.
When I woke up on my 18th birthday, I expected to feel different somehow. I was supposed to feel like an adult, you know? But it was just another gray, sad day in November. Still living with my mom, still attending high school, still dealing with all the trials and tribulations of being a teenager, no more or less than the previous night before closing my eyes.
Nothing had changed. I wasn’t magically grown up just because I’d turned legal. And it left me confused about what it meant to actually be an adult. Because I didn’t feel like one. Even though now, all of a sudden, society had deemed me “ready” because of my age.
Since that birthday, I’ve been pondering the question of growing up. Some moments where I felt myself growing up are incredibly clear to me; they were milestones, personalized to my life’s journey with all its ups and downs. Degrees, careers, families — although those were obvious benchmarks, they don’t actually mark the moments that defined my own growth and burgeoning grownup-ness.
Instead of relying on those traditional milestones, I found myself growing up in moments unique to my own life experience. Here’s a non-exhaustive list:
- the moment where I paid my first bill with money I earned for myself
- the moment when I moved into a space that I was solely responsible for
- the moment when I realized my parents’ humanity (and stopped blaming them for it)
- the moment I realized I just cut the metaphorical umbilical cord
- the moment I found myself parenting my parents
- the moment I was with younger people and needed to play the adult
- the moment I faced and accepted the consequences of a huge mistake
- the moment I made a choice going against the grain
- the moment I dove into the unknown
- the moment I chose my own home, in a city of my choosing, and built my network from the ground up
- and so many more.
And as I wrote this piece, I realized that there are too many stories to condense into a single narrative, so I invite you along the various tales of the moments in which I grew up, a little at a time.
Growing up is a never-ending journey. It’s also not really what you think it is, while also being exactly that.
I know — I’m not making sense yet. But are you curious?
I sure hope so.
